The Conversations You Don't Want to Have With Your Hairdresser

I have been in need of a change as of lately. And the best way to do that is by dying my hair. I have no problem doing it myself, but I wanted something drastic, like going to red or ombre. So I took to a pro. Please note, not a pro  I normally go to. First mistake.....

Here's how the other night went down. Brace yourselves.

Hairdresser: Hi, what are you we doing today?
Me: I'd love to go red, like so (show pictures. Have you seen Savannah's hair? I'm obsessed!) or ombre (like Rachel Bilson!!).
Her: No.
Me: Ummm, no?
Her: No.
Me: Ok, well, I'd like some color, as I have these greys. And please don't cut it. I just want color.
Her: Ok.

15 minutes later she emerges. No clue what color I'm getting. This isn't a good sign.

Me: So, quick question. You can't get your hair colored when your pregnant right?
Her: Are you?
Me: No, not yet. But we're planning on it.
Her: It's not something you can plan.
Me: I get that, but we're doing IVF, so kind of can plan it, in a sense.
Her: Ah. Are you the problem?
Me: (floored), what? (What I wanted to say was ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS?, but I bit my tongue....)
Her: IVF. Is it you?
Me: It's both of us. We're doomed.
Her: His boys are lazy? He must do drugs.
Me: I'm pretty sure the military would frown upon that.....
Silence.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. Do I leave? I'm covered in who knows what color hair dye. So I wait it out.

And wait.

And wait.

WAITING.

Now she returns. I have crap on my face. In my ears. All over. Does she get it? No. Do I when I'm itching like mad? Yes. Jerk.

As she washes my hair, I drift into my happy place. Thankfully.

Then I sit. And she cuts. Please see the first convo above. Jerk.

I emerge, $200 later, with I'm not even sure what color hair. C said it looked good, but he had to or I would have punched him.

For those with infertility issues, how do you address the "is it you" question. Do you smack her? Say shut the hell up? Or do you smile and just explain. I wanted to do all of the above.

Are You There Blog, It's Me, Megan...

I've been MIA for awhile and it has to do with me not knowing what to say. I know, the queen of randomness. But it happens.

I haven't talked a lot on here about our infertility struggles. Mainly, because I just don't know how to begin. Do I just say, "Hi, I'm Megan and I can't have a baby?" Or, should I use more tact? Either way, it's a hard conversation to initiate.

With that being said, I'm having a hard time as of lately. I don't know if it's the fact that we've started IVF and the hormone shots are getting to me, or if I'm an emotional wreck just because, but I feel like a failure. Like, my one job as a woman is to have a child. That's what you're taught growing up. That's what separates us from the men. And yet, I can't do it. And it sucks.

My husband is totally supportive, which helps, but he doesn't quite get it. His thing i, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. He wants a baby, but he knows that, if in the end, we did all we could and it doesn't happen, then maybe it's not meant to be. He doesn't get this feeling that I'm failing, so the only one to blame is myself.

My question for you is this, for those suffering from infertility issues, how do you shake this feeling? Or does it never go away?

I'm hoping and praying like mad that this next round works and I don't have to even worry about it, but it's a constant struggle. 

Ok, end of rant.

On to happy things, like cats. Read this link and thank me later. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kitty_pet

You're welcome.

Truer words have never been spoken...

:)

This year I plan to.....

1. Learn how to cook.

I really really mean it this year. C leaves for deployment on February 7 and gets back in August. I want to be able to cook a nice meal for him without his help. All by myself. Now I usually start, get frustrated/confused/unsure what to do and either ask for help or give up. Not this year. I plan to cook him one meal a week. I'm afraid if I say month I'll slack. Oh, and the kicker? He eats meat. I don't. This is going to be interesting....

2. Pay off debt.

I hate being poor. I hate being broke. I hate bills. So, if I actively pay off my cards and not use them (gah!) I hope to make a dent with this. I am off to a good start, as I took my credit cards out of my wallet and hid them, so I will be less likely to use them for everday purchases.

3. Limit myself to a budget.

This ties in with number 2. I hope by giving myself something like $50 or so a week and only using cash I will be more likely to not spend and buy whatever the hell I feel like. I honestly think this is going to be the hardest one of all. I am a giant inconsiderate ass when it comes to money. I spend on stupid shit and I have realized that more and more lately. I looked at my receipts the other day and noticed that I buy breakfast and lunch everyday. Really Megan? So I'm going to try to eat at home and make my lunches. This will help me stay on budget and focus.

4. Do more for charity.

I give $10 a month to the ASPCA. I donate clothes, etc. to Goodwill on a monthly basis. However, this year I want to volunteer more. It's hard because I have two jobs and am in the process of obtaining a third. Even something I can do once a month I hope will make a difference.

5. Be more independent.

I love my husband. So much so that I get sad and lonely during the day when he isn't with me. I need to stop being so dependent on him. I appreciate everything he does for me and am so unbelievably grateful, but I need to be able to make decisions on my own sometimes and realize, if it's the wrong decision, it's ok. He will still love me and not be mad. I always call and say, "should I do this or this?" I need to be a big girl and pick one damn it.

My goal is to accomplish all five. Eek! I hope by focusing, buckling down, and really really trying I can do it. Wish me luck!

Things that make you go hmm...

Today's Tuesday post is brought to you by the letter "T". Something that starts with a "T" that makes me laugh? The term 'armed & dangerous.' One would think that the word armed would be scary enough.

Just a random thought for today!

Must.Learn.How.To.Make

This is my new obsession. I will learn. I must. Wish me luck!