The Conversations You Don't Want to Have With Your Hairdresser

I have been in need of a change as of lately. And the best way to do that is by dying my hair. I have no problem doing it myself, but I wanted something drastic, like going to red or ombre. So I took to a pro. Please note, not a pro  I normally go to. First mistake.....

Here's how the other night went down. Brace yourselves.

Hairdresser: Hi, what are you we doing today?
Me: I'd love to go red, like so (show pictures. Have you seen Savannah's hair? I'm obsessed!) or ombre (like Rachel Bilson!!).
Her: No.
Me: Ummm, no?
Her: No.
Me: Ok, well, I'd like some color, as I have these greys. And please don't cut it. I just want color.
Her: Ok.

15 minutes later she emerges. No clue what color I'm getting. This isn't a good sign.

Me: So, quick question. You can't get your hair colored when your pregnant right?
Her: Are you?
Me: No, not yet. But we're planning on it.
Her: It's not something you can plan.
Me: I get that, but we're doing IVF, so kind of can plan it, in a sense.
Her: Ah. Are you the problem?
Me: (floored), what? (What I wanted to say was ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS?, but I bit my tongue....)
Her: IVF. Is it you?
Me: It's both of us. We're doomed.
Her: His boys are lazy? He must do drugs.
Me: I'm pretty sure the military would frown upon that.....
Silence.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. Do I leave? I'm covered in who knows what color hair dye. So I wait it out.

And wait.

And wait.

WAITING.

Now she returns. I have crap on my face. In my ears. All over. Does she get it? No. Do I when I'm itching like mad? Yes. Jerk.

As she washes my hair, I drift into my happy place. Thankfully.

Then I sit. And she cuts. Please see the first convo above. Jerk.

I emerge, $200 later, with I'm not even sure what color hair. C said it looked good, but he had to or I would have punched him.

For those with infertility issues, how do you address the "is it you" question. Do you smack her? Say shut the hell up? Or do you smile and just explain. I wanted to do all of the above.