Are You There Blog, It's Me, Megan...

I've been MIA for awhile and it has to do with me not knowing what to say. I know, the queen of randomness. But it happens.

I haven't talked a lot on here about our infertility struggles. Mainly, because I just don't know how to begin. Do I just say, "Hi, I'm Megan and I can't have a baby?" Or, should I use more tact? Either way, it's a hard conversation to initiate.

With that being said, I'm having a hard time as of lately. I don't know if it's the fact that we've started IVF and the hormone shots are getting to me, or if I'm an emotional wreck just because, but I feel like a failure. Like, my one job as a woman is to have a child. That's what you're taught growing up. That's what separates us from the men. And yet, I can't do it. And it sucks.

My husband is totally supportive, which helps, but he doesn't quite get it. His thing i, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. He wants a baby, but he knows that, if in the end, we did all we could and it doesn't happen, then maybe it's not meant to be. He doesn't get this feeling that I'm failing, so the only one to blame is myself.

My question for you is this, for those suffering from infertility issues, how do you shake this feeling? Or does it never go away?

I'm hoping and praying like mad that this next round works and I don't have to even worry about it, but it's a constant struggle. 

Ok, end of rant.

On to happy things, like cats. Read this link and thank me later. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kitty_pet

You're welcome.

Mama's Got a Brand New Bag

Ok, there is a slight change to the lyrics, but don't you want to sing Papa's Got a Brand New Bag now? Or is that just me? Anyway, I'm on the hunt for a new handbag. My current one has seen better days. I love bags. I'll wear the hell out of them. I'll use them until the strap breaks, the button pops off, they fall apart. I've never not destroyed one. I've also never owned a handbag that cost more than $40....

I have been saving all my play money to buy something I really want. And I want a really nice bag that won't break on me, that lasts a lifetime!

So of course I was thrilled that RueLaLa is having a handbag sale!

Ummmm....

Although I've been saving up, spending $1,000+ on a bag makes me gasp. I could never. Could you?!

So, off to Target I go. Sigh.

Where do you find your bags? And is a higher priced one worth it? 

A Few of My Favorite Things....

Since I gave up shopping for Lent I'm dying to buy the following items. However, if they are still around after 40 days and 40 nights, then perhaps I may treat myself for being so successful! That defeats the purpose, right?!

I've never loved anything as much as this Coach Leather Legacy Mini Tanner.

Swoon.

The lemon. It's divine. I'm in love.

This Ark & Co blazer needs to find it's way into my home. STAT. Can I change my Lenten sacrifice? Giving up shopping sucks. :(

This  ASOS Midi Spring Skirt screams warm weather! I want. But I don't want to wait. Le sigh.

Should anyone just happen to order them for me, it's not cheating right? If that's the case, I'm so sending this list to the hubs. :).

What did you give up for Lent? And, have you ever given up shopping? Does it get better as time goes on?

Never judge a book by its cover

“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us. When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard…..only enemies do.” ~ Shannon L Alder

The above quote truly represents how I feel at this point in my life. The past couple of years have been a whirlwind. I can tell you all, I haven't been 100% happy. Something has been missing. I have felt alone.
 
During this last deployment, a lot happened that truly rattled my faith and my marriage. But I took it as a moment to reflect. I am one to hold on to things, to judge. And with all the sorrys and feelings, I wanted to make sure things were justified. And they are.
 
I can gladly say now that I'm 100% happy. I've forgiven the demons. I have seen that people really can change.
 
With that being said, this is where I must reference the above quote. It's the nature of the beast to judge. It's what humans do. However, the only one person that really can see the difference someone has made is God. Ok, scratch that, the only two people are God and someone who is around the person all the time. I've been guilty of judging. Of holding on to things. And you know what folks? I shouldn't. No one is perfect. I've had to ask for forgiveness and it's been granted, so why shouldn't I afford this same opportunity to someone else? Why is it totally acceptable for me to say, "yea, I'm not that person anymore" and for it to be ok, but when someone else is the same way, it's a crime?
 
Hostility rattles people. It rattles friendships, relationships, etc. It harbors resentments.
 
I just hope the next time you are so quick to judge someone that you can take a step back and see that you aren't so perfect either. And then maybe you can give them a chance.
 
Not a sermon, just a thought. You know, sometimes I get all deep in here. :)

Tickle Me Tuesday: Shellac nails

I'm linking up with Sarah from Yes, Teacher for another edition of Tickle Me Tuesdays!
What's been tickling my fancy this week? Why, it's shellac nails! I can, without fail, ruin a manicure in 2.2 seconds. Here's hoping with this heavy duty stuff I make that not happen!

So much so that I bought the M.S 36W Nail UV Lamp Acrylic Gel & Shellac Curing Light Timer Dryer Spa Equipment Pinkfrom Amazon last week!

 

My goal is to recreate shellac manicures at home. Fingers crossed I accomplish this task. Now, I just need some things to go with!

I love this color!

And this!

Have you tried this on your own? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Everything PLUS the Kitchen Sink

I know, I know, I shouldn't call him a jerk. But, sometimes I think he likes to mess with me. Like, I'll say, "Raven, get down!" and he raises his paw like he is going to b**** slap me. Or, you say "Raven NO!" and he'll hiss at me and carry on what he is doing. Jerk. :)

His new thing is he's fascinated with the faucets. I mean seriously, he's a year old, you'd think he would have discovered them before now. But no. So on a daily basis I either have to leave my water dripping for a little bit (I'm paranoid he won't drink!) or shoo him away from the sink.

Here's my solution!

 

Drinkwell Pet Fountain

It's a water fountain. For the cats. Sounds brilliant, right?! Right.

He was fascinated with this thing. I thought my mission was successful. I had solved getting him out of the sinks! He'd love this thing and it would be a great substitute to getting in the sink. Or so I thought....

I think I just encouraged his behavior more. Lovely.

 

How do you keep your cat out of the sink? Or, do you have to ask if you can use it like I do because thinks he owns the place?

Truer words have never been spoken...

:)

Feelin' Squirrely?!

My girlfriend Erica is fantastic. Anytime I need a good laugh, I know I can count on her. Please allow me to show you why....

She sends me pictures like this. She makes me giggle. And she writes things like this.

Hope these little cuties made your Monday brighter!

Dear Husband

I have a birthday in two days. Please take note. :)

This snazzy little number needs to live with me. STAT. Oh, and you get 20% if it's your first purchase. Boom.

And get a look at the inside. I want to jump in this bag and hug it. Is that weird? I love me some animal print, sorry.

Also, I need a Daycation. Or a vacation for that matter. But I'll settle for this instead!

I need a new make up bag. And, it's $39. PLEASE BUY THIS FOR ME. Sorry, I'm not sure what just came over me. ;)

And because I could eat all of these in one sitting (except the pistachio, YUCK).

And in case you need a Gilt invite, I've got you covered!

So hubby, feel free to buy one or all of the above items. That or a puppy. I'll be a super happy camper.

Love,

Wifey

Lions and Tigers and Cats...Oh MY!

Ok people, it's the little things in life that amuse me. So, of course I just had to by this!

An owl hat! I die!

Clearly I love animal hats. And cats. And cats in hats.

Speaking of awesome animals, look what showed up on my doorstep!

I named him Jeffrey. I love him. He doesn't have a tail. The hubs won't let me keep him, but little does he know that I have a plan. :)

I'm fairly certain we either have a sign hanging up in front of our house that says Cat Sanctuary or Raven is running some sort of kitty underground railroad. One things for sure, this little dude wanted to get in the house BAD.

It's a bad picture, but you get the jist....

If I take Jeffrey in, does this make me the crazy cat lady???

Blog Yard Sale

I am attempting to clean out my closest. I am going to go through and pull things that don't fit, that I haven't worn, or that I have to realize, I can't wear anymore. Sigh.

Some of the items are brand new so I thought, if any of you all want them, they are yours!

I'll sell them to you for $5 plus $3 shipping. Just email me what you want!

Delias, size small



Loft, size 4P. Clearly I've never worn it. :(

Express, Size Small. Also available in White.

Navy suit from Old Navy. Size 4 skirt, Small Jacket. Yea, my fat ass can't fit this. It's wrinkley because I washed it. I thought I could wear it for my interview yesterday. Yup, not so much......

Shoot me and email or comment if you want anything. And if not, I won't be offended. Just thought someone may like them!

Cat humor for the day

I adore my friend Katie. She's fantastic. She always knows that a great cat post will cheer me up. And she's right! Check out the fabulousity that is today's!

Cat out of nowhere!



HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Thank God Raven hasn't mastered this trick yet. And yes I say yet.

See how the door in the picture is propped open? Well, above our basement door is a sign that says man cave, because well, the least I can do is allow C to have one room in the house, right? Anyway, apparently yesterday this sign was bothering kitten and he jumped and balanced on the door (remember, it's propped like above!) and began hitting the sign. He is so bad. By the time I turned the corner to see what he had done he was screeching because he couldn't get down. I contemplated laughing and taking a photo, but was afraid he'd fall, so I helped him instead.

I now keep the door shut, but today I'm going to check my wall! Eek!

It's ok to fall down and skin your knee...

Take Gerald the sheep for instance. He is afraid, but he still takes the leap and gets to the other side. I think. :)

Sometimes it's scary to take the unknown path, or to do something outside of your comfort zone. I had this conversation with my friend Caitlyn last night. We both discussed how it's terrifying to feel as if you are "failing" but not going on the road you chose in college or what your career is destined to be. Personally, this is killing me. I feel like I've invested so much time and money and effort into this degree, that I need to use it. And I have been. BUT it's not working. It's not making me happy. In fact, I'm sad. So I need to change this. I just don't know how to begin....

 

I'm a huge believer in having faith and that things happen for a reason. Call me the crunchy, granola type, but I honestly believe the cosmic universe has some sort of plan that we are unsure of. I think God sits up in heaven and cracks up when we say "I'm going to do such and such." He's like, "sure, go ahead. Let me know how it turns out." And you know what, 9 times out of 10 it's a huge bust. But I think that's what makes us human, that we fail. It's how we pick ourselves up and learn from these mistakes that make us stronger. Like Gerald above. We don't give up.


I feel like though there is someone out there in this big ole world that wants me to fail. I kid you not (I can show you my Gmail outbox if you don't believe me!) I applied to 250 jobs in the past month and a half. I heard from 2. 1 was a phone interview where the woman said she loved me. That was promising. Yet now all of a sudden they are no longer interested. Ugh. I wonder if my name is associated with some crazy person or something. Who knows. Anyway, to whomever I pissed off or hates me in the universe that feels the need to ruin my life by not letting me find any sort of dang job, I'm sorry for whatever I did. I mean that.

Here is the point I'm trying to make. I've been terrified about some things lately. Terrified is an understatement. My career isn't going the way I want it to. Heck, I don't have a career! Yes, I'm using my degree. That part I'm thrilled about. But, I can't provide for my family, nor am I in a situation where I could stick with this job long term. I need a change. And that scares me.

Also, I've found out some news about my baby maker- it may be broken. This sucks. I've kept this in and only told a few folks the full details, but it's hard for me because I know C wants a kid and I may not be able to make this happen. I feel like a horrible wife- I can't provide my husband with the one thing he wants. That kills me. He has been totally understanding, which is amazing, and he has never made me feel horrible about this, but it's just something that I myself am dealing with. I mean, come on. As a woman, we are supposed to be the ones that bear the kids, right? And what do you do if you can't? I know, adoption is an option and I'm not ruling that out, but I really really really want C to have a kid of his own flesh and blood. I just have to get over this. Again, it's part of the whole "change" process. And I hate it.

I'm trying not to go crazy over all these negatives in my life at the moment. I'm trying to stay strong and smile and put on a happy face. But inside I'm going bananas. I honestly have been thinking of going to a shrink, with the hopes that just talking about it will help. That is why I'm writing this. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to take that step and let a complete stranger know my deepest, darkest secrets. But, then again, don't I do that on here? Hmmm. Perhaps this is the universe's way of telling me something.



There, I feel better. And hopefully the universe does too. :)

I'm an 80s girl....

I have a PT job with some really cool ladies. However, some are young. Like, way young.

Case in point.

*First let me preface, we are not preggers. This was just a random, it's slow, let's talk about everything under the sun kind of day.

M: Have you and your husband thought of baby names?
Me: Yes, but the hubby doesn't like me telling people because he thinks they'll steal them.
M: What are they?
Me: Ok, fine. Girl, I like Rhiannon, but the hubby does not.
M: Where did you come up with that name? I like it.
Me: It was a Fleetwood Mac song.
M: Who is Fleetwood Mac?
Me: You know, Stevie Nicks.
M: Never heard of him.
Me: ...........................................

I realized that day that I want my future children to grow up with an appreciation of all things 70s, 80s, and 90s. Ok, not all things. But here are some of the tops that they must know/love/own.
                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                          The Brat Pack

Hyper colored shirts



Moral of the story? I'm old. And I still wish I had held on to my jelly shoes!

A Good Deed for Good Friday: Japan Relief Efforts

I've been a Debbie Downer lately because of my job situation and some things going on at home. However, as much as I've been complaining, I realize that there are others who are far worse that I am. Then I feel guilty for complaining. It's a vicious cycle.

Case in point: Japan. Why am I being all down in the dumps when they are way worse off?!

For some of you that are familiar with SwagBucks, I wanted to introduce you to a great effort. You know those SwagBucks you earn? Well, you can donate them to the relief efforts and they will convert them to money and pass them along to Japan. So if you have a boatload of SwagBucks, you aren't paying a penny! Here is more how to donate directly by using those points. And for those of you who have never joined SwagBucks, I recommend it. Whenever I'm searching for something, I type it in the box. Usually once a day I'll earn a few bucks. I've already cashed some out for Kindle Ebooks. If you join now, enter the code HelpJapan and you will automatically earn 50 SB that can be used towards the effort. The code expires May 2 at 12 pm PT.

Here's more information from the site. "Please consider donating some of your Swag Bucks to our Japan Earthquake & Tsunami Relief Fund. All Swag Bucks we collect will go directly toward donations to All Hands Volunteers, a US-based, 501(c)3 non-profit organization, that provides hands-on assistance to survivors of natural disasters around the world, with maximum impact and minimum bureaucracy."

There is no cost to join and I rarely ever get emails from there. I hope you will take time to donate some SBs, if you have an extras!

ABC..it's easy as 123...

A - Age: I don't want to talk about it. Basically it goes like this: Dirt, Hugh Hefner, Me. Oye. I'm old. :(


B - Bed size: King. However, the way the kitten sleeps in it you'd think it was a twin and we didn't have any room.


C - Chore you hate: Everything. I'm lazy. I honestly would have to say though cleaning the fridge. It makes me gag. I'm fine with dishes, cleaning the cat litter, and vacuuming. Although I do want to hire a maid. The hubby is putting his foot down. Sometimes he makes me so mad.

D - Dogs: I have a Jack Russell but my mom has him. She claims he'll eat my cats. He has yet to prove that theory. The roomate has a Pit named Remy. My kitten beats her up. It's priceless.

Raven is such a bully!

E - Essential start to your day: Coffee. I'm another word for a female dog if I don't have any. Stay away. Far away.


F - Favorite Color: Pink. Thank God I have a loving husband and amazing besties that let me have a pink wedding. :)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver for sure. I wear gold once in awhile like for big rings or earrings. But I am more of a silver/white gold gal. However, I'm not complaining if someone wants to throw some gold my way!

H - Height: 5'4"

I - Instruments you play: I played flute in elementary and middle school, but I get bored easily. So I sucked and quit. Then I bought a guitar and have yet to take it out of the box. Oh, in case you couldn't figure it out, it's hot pink.

J - Job title: Program Manager as of now. That is subject to change. I'd like to add millionaire to this list.


K - Kids: Do furbabies count? No? Then nada. Hubby deploys every other year. He must be here to be at my beck and call during pregnancy. It's a must.

L - Live: Unlike my dear friend Steph, I consider Maryland the South. However, we don't serve sweet tea. Which is good. That stuff tastes like poo.


M - My mom's name: Mom

N - Nickname: Megs. My dad calls me Meg. My mom never used to call me anything but Megan. Now all of sudden she calls me Megs. It's weird. I don't like it. Not the nickname, I like that. I don't like her calling me that. I don't know why. I'm weird. Hubby calls me Wifey. I think it's darling.


O - Overnight hospital stay: I got sinus surgery and I was alone all night and ended up watching Slugs. I have never looked at a slug the same way. I run like the wind still 20 years later. True story.


P - Pet Peeve: Slow drivers. People that don't clean up after themselves. I'll contain myself from going off on a tangent here.

Q - Quote from a movie from a movie: "I don't think that word means what you think it means." Five points if you name the movie!

R- Right/Lefty: Righty. I'm boring.

S - Siblings: Step-brothers and a step-sis in law. But we call each other brother and sister. And now my in-laws! I have sisters, yipee!


T - Time you wake up: 6:30/6:45. I wish this was a lie.


U - Underwear: Granny panties FTW!

V - Veggies you dislike: I love all veggies except brussell sprouts. They bring back memories. I had to eat them once at my Grandparents and didn't like them but couldn't have dessert unless they were gone. So I flushed them. Then the toilet overflowed. Needless to say I didn't get dessert.

W - What makes you run late: My kitten. He either breaks something or flips over the water dish. Or climbs a bookcase and gets stuck. This is why we don't have kids....

X - Xrays you've had: Teeth, ankle, hip, fingers. I break things a lot.

Y - Yummy food you make: I don't cook. I can make a mean mac and cheese. Oh! I do make a badass key lime pie. Boom.

Z - Zoo animal: Zoos make me sad. :( Although I wouldn't argue if someone gave me a baby lion or tiger. C said if I get one I can keep it!

This is how I write

So, one of my most favorite blog peeps is Jessica from Heart on Homestead. She's fab. Anywho, she did a handwriting post, and I thought, "heck, why not?" So why not? Well, see for yourself. I write like a third grader that just learned cursive. Sigh.

Here's what you do:

Basically, there are eight questions and instead of just typing your answers, you hand-write them so everyone can see. I type a bazillion times a day, so my writing isn't too pretty. Don't judge. :)
1. What's your name / blogger name?

2. What's your blog's URL?

3. Write "The quick fox jumps over the lazy dog."

4. Favorite quote?

5. Your favorite song?

6. Your favorite band / singers?

7. Anything else you want to say?

8. Tag 3 - 5 other people.

Perhaps I should start writing more often. Also, I should learn how to take straight pictures. And spell. Oye.

I ain't afraid of no ghost!

I'm really not scared of much. I am terrified of slugs, elephants, clowns, the dark, and someone attacking me while I'm home alone in the shower. Other than that, I'm fine! Although C does say it's weird to be scared of slugs, but apparently he has never seen Slugs: The Movie. Anyway, elephants I have addressed, clowns are just terrifying in general, the dark is creepy, and the last one scares the beegeezus out of me a great deal.

C and I live in the middle of nowhere. I'm serious. While I love where we live, I also get super scared sometimes. It's really dark and that clearly frightens me, but my cat Spaz loses his s*^* if he hears anything, so that is a comforting fact as well. Anyway, the other morning I heard a noise that startled me, but didn't think too much of it. I woke up, put on my glasses, and proceeded to walk into the bathroom. Now, I normally turn the water on and let it heat up before I get in, but I had a weird feeling so I pulled back the shower curtain.....

Raven being Raven. He is so bad.

When I pulled back the shower curtain, I don't know what I was expecting to find. And, had it been a bad guy, what I would have done. I realized after the fact that the bad guy would have just been more pissed, but at least I would have seen that bama ahead of time. Also, luckily for me, it was not a bad guy. Just a bad kitten who was bound and determined to get my loofah!

I removed Raven from the shower, since obviously cats do not belong in showers. As I'm taking a shower though, he proceeded to run into the shower curtain, and make it seem like there was someone on the other side waiting to kill me like in Psycho. Of course I was scared as hell getting out of the shower, but I'm here, so no one got me. Phew.

Now a few days have passed and I have reluctantly showered, but with my eyes open for shower intruders. However, I have wised up. Rather than leaving my shower curtain pulled all the way shut during the day, I leave it open. That way the bad guys can't hide.

Except for this guy....



Motivational Monday....

Ok, ok, it's Tuesday. Technicalities, sheesh!

I have a bad case of the Monday's & Tuesday's. I'm ready for this week to be over! Here are some posters assuring me that it will be a ok.

Source



See, doesn't this make you want to kick back and relax? Yup. Give me a Natty Boh and I'm good to go!

Source

And, since I've been on vacay for a week, I have come home to a boatload of shenanigans. Needless to say this poster made me squeal with glee!

And, when Monday's get on your nerves, you are sad, or you just need a pick me up, read below.

Hope your Monday's rock!

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?!

First off, I miss Alanis Morisette. Anyone know what happened to her? Ok, I digress. Everyone I am coming in contact with is getting pregnant (watch out people! I'm like Midas, minus the whole gold thing) so I've been going to shower after shower after shower. I always like to buy something off the registry and a little something extra as well.

In my latest shower shopping extravaganza, I came across this delightful number!

Adorable, right?! I think so. And, for some of you that know me personally, you know I'm obsessed with funny t-shirts. I wear them often and everywhere I go. I know they are so out of date, but I don't care. They make me laugh A LOT. My favorite one is this one, and I wear it so much it's almost about to kick the bucket. I might cry if that happens.

Delias

So yea, the aforementioned onesie was a must. Plus I thought it was ironic that it said Made in the USA since the baby would be (get it?! Made in USA, and shirt Made in USA! I crack myself up). However, upon further investigation, (here is where the true irony comes in!), brace yourselves, it is made in China. CHINA. Not that there is anything wrong with China, but come on, this shirt boasts USA spirit and therefore, is an inaccurate statement.

To quote the great Ms. Morisette, "Who would've thought... it figures."